What did you have to unlearn from your childhood?

Chavezs
Contributor III

As the country reckons with inequality around race, gender, and sexuality, I've found that I've had to unlearn so much of what I was taught as a child. As a closeted queer woman in a conservative Texas family, I was very much raised in a white, patriarchal society. In general, I've had to unlearn that the world is not a zero-sum game. The patriarchy tried to teach me that I was competing with other women and white supremacy told me that people were poor because of their work ethic. 

 

Since graduating high school, I have done so much work to unlearn these ideas. Podcasts and books have been so helpful to contextualize my feelings. Right now, I'm reading an incredible book called White Feminism: From the Suffragettes to Influencers and Who They Leave Behind by Koa Beck. But most of all, my friends were the ones that helped me. I am so grateful to be surrounded by a diverse and powerful group of friends who teach me every day how to be a better, more empathetic person.  

 

So I'm curious, what have you had to unlearn from your childhood? And what helped you along your journey?

6 REPLIES 6

NathanW
Visionary I

I haven't had to unlearn a lot mostly because I had a progressive upbringing but the main thing that I had to learn was to stop assimilating myself to be more like my white friends. As a Black man growing up in predominantly white spaces, I didn't realize how much I was suppressing my culture and comforting to try to fit in. I actually realized I was doing that after an infographic I saw last year. But I'm trying to live more authentically now and be myself even though I'm not sure who I really am anymore since I've spent so many years suppressing it.

KamilleJ
Révolutionnaire Team Révolutionnaire Team
Révolutionnaire Team

@Chavezs thank you for asking such an important question! I love your comment about unlearning that the world is a zero sum game. We are all so much stronger when we walk through doors and hold them open for others. To your point about unlearning specifically, I feel a lot of what @NathanW said about having to confront the extent of racism I have internalized for years in a PWI and what it all meant in terms of how I saw myself when I looked in the mirror, what I talked about, how I talked -- everything really. Like you, I've turned to books as well for clarity along this journey and absolutely LOVE Bell Hooks! I'll have to add White Feminism to my list. Thank you!

@KamilleJ It can be really tough and as I said, I am having to unlearn and relearn who I am as a person and what my authentic personality really is. Is there anything that has helped you?

Justice
Co-Founder
Co-Founder

Hey @Chavezs! Tbh I don't know where this came from, but I'm definitely in the process of unlearning the habit of pursuing perfection.

 

This quote from Thasunda Brown Duckett really resonates: "Perfection is never attained, but the pursuit of being the best version of yourself is where you want to be. But not ever settling on saying perfection is the destination, because if you ever believe you've reached that level of perfection, you probably have marginalized or lowered your standards."

Stella
Visionary I

White Feminism is so good, my mom got it for me and it is one of my favorites now.

blaizeexeter
Junior Editor Junior Editor
Junior Editor

growing up as a black girl in predominantly white spaces, i'm still trying to unlearn the eurocentric beauty standards that have been pretty much shoved down my throat lol